Voices in my Ed
by SparkBomb'sFaith
Summary: What would happen if Eddy could hear plank speak? well read and find out.


**Voices in my ED**

**Disclaimer: I do not own ed, edd n eddy, so anyway this story is an AnimatedAbbie and CartoonCalvin Joint story (Which means we wrote it together. **

**It was another sunny day in the cul-de-sac; Sarah & Nazz were hanging out with Kevin, laughing and joking. Jimmy was indoors lying on his couch cooling himself with a Japanese painted fan, a miserable expression on his face and an ice bag on his head.**

**"Oh the pain, when will it stop. Why did I ever eat that second bowl of granola? I should try to rest, my manicurist is calling at three." He closed his eyes and drifted into an uneasy sleep. A soft wind billowed the curtains in and out, in and out and something slowly slipped through the gap into the darkened room. Something that glowed.**

**Jimmy woke with a jump; something was tapping him insistently on the nose. Opening his eyes he let out a shriek of fear - there, just in front of his horrified gaze floated in mid-air a disembodied, glowing hand! Jimmy cowered on the couch, his headache forgotten as a voice seemed to come from the hand "Jiiiiimmy…Jiiimmmy… I have come for your Jawbreakaaaaaaas." Jimmy let out one final spine-chilling wail and ran for the safety of his bedroom.**

**The hand retreated back through the window and into Eddy's grasp; he could hardly stand up for laughing. Tears ran from his eyes as he leant on Ed gasping and choking, Ed was hooting with laughter too although he wasn't quite sure why. Eddy pulled himself together, "That was the best yet? Did you see his face Double D?"**

**Double D eyed his two shaking friends doubtfully and retrieved the glove from the end of the long line tied to what was in fact two of Eddy's dad's best golf clubs fastened together. "Actually Eddy, I'm not sure if that was a good thing to do, Jimmy is easily shocked you know."**

**"Ahhh, shocks are good for your heart" Eddy snatched the glove out of his pal's grasp -**

**"Eddy!" Double D whipped it back, muttering under his breath about the cost of sterile gloves only to have it wrenched away in turn by an over-excited Ed who emptied three disorientated fireflies from within the glove & popped them into his ear. There was a pause and then his eyes suddenly lit up as he grinned at the others, the deflated glove dangling from his mouth.**

**"Aw, cool!" Ed's voice was muffled by the glove, which inflated slightly, wobbling against his chin as he drooled, speaking rapidly "I am the avenging swim bladder from 'The Arthropod Cometh' - beware my wrath!" He made a lunge towards Eddy only to trip on the golf clubs; landing in a messy heap on top of Double D. The jolt shot the fireflies out of his ears and away into the yard.**

**"Hey! You lost our means of illumination!" Eddy felt exasperated; Ed had done it again.**

**Double D's voice wheezed up at him from his position, still trapped under Ed's bulk, "Actually Eddy, fireflies are nocturnal so they wouldn't be glowing in the daytime for long anyway."**

**"Hmmph!" Eddy didn't like being corrected but he had to admit it was true. He watched as the other two got to their feet and then re-tied the glove to the pole, "On to our next victim boys!"**

**Double D watched Ed & Eddy scramble into the bushes further along the road and heaved a sigh, "Oh dear, I hope the grass is dry, chlorophyll stains are so hard to get off."**

**On the other side of the bushes was the playground. It was empty except for Johnny who was slowly swinging to and fro, deep in animated conversation with Plank. "This is perfect!" Eddy's voice purred as he prepared to cast off with the glove.**

**The results were not quite what they had expected, the glove - still slightly dripping from it's contact with Ed was heavier than before and swung out wildly, looping over the top of the swing's frame and catching itself on the top of Plank, stuck there by a splinter or two. As the oblivious Johnny chattered on gaily to his wooden pal, Eddy grunted and groaned trying to heave the glove to freedom. Double D was already in the throes of early panic while Ed watched bug-eyed as ever and chuckling to himself. **

**Teeth gritted, with a mighty heave, Eddy finally succeeded in moving the glove - it stretched longer and longer until with a sudden **_**thwaaack**_** it tore skywards taking Plank with it. Johnny's voice yelled after the rocketing board "Plank! Come back you're too young to take your pilot's licence!"**

**"Act natural, act natural" muttered Eddy as Johnny, seeing them in the bushes rushed forwards only to howl with concern as Plank returned to earth with a terrible thud - right on Eddy's head.**

**Eddy came to when Ed was shaking him by the ankles for the fifth time, hearing his screams of indignation, Ed promptly lost interest in Eddy's welfare and dropped his friend head-first onto the sidewalk where Johnny was tenderly nursing Plank. "Plank? Plank? Are you okay Plank? Speak to me." Johnny held Plank up to his face and then looked at the Eds in turn "What have you done - Plank has lost his senses!"**

**"That's pathetic." Eddy managed to stand up without wobbling too alarmingly and felt his annoyance coming back. "You should give up on that old Plank scam Johnny, we're on to you, it doesn't fool anyone…" His voice suddenly tailed off and his eyes became round & blank as his mouth curved into a Plank-like smile "Hmmmmffth …aaarr…gggrmmph."**

**"Are you okay Eddy?" Double D's mind scrolled neatly through all the possible side effects of a blow on the head with a flat object but failed to recognise this manifestation, "You should go and lie down Eddy."**

**"Yeah, have some ice cold gravy" Grinned Ed helpfully.**

**Eddy's eyes slowly returned to normal and he gazed fixedly at Johnny, "Plank knows where there's something better. He sees things."**

**Johnny's jaw dropped, "Plank told you that? He spoke to you?" He was clearly crushed by Plank's switching allegiance but trying hard to act as if nothing was wrong. He reached out and placed Plank in Eddy's waiting grasp and stared sadly as Eddy, tailed by a confused Ed & Double D loped off in the direction of home. **

**They didn't go very far, Eddy ground to a halt opposite Kevin's house and began to crawl on all fours with Plank balancing on his head across Kevin's back yard to the kitchen window. On the window ledge sat a large jug of iced lemonade, reaching up Eddy used Plank to tilt the lip of the jug so that the juice flowed down the board and into his open mouth. When he had drunk his fill he directed the stream of lemonade into Ed's mouth "Mmm gravy!" gurgled Ed happily. **

**Double D, stricken by the lack of table etiquette displayed by hs friends beseeched them to stop, "But Eddy, this isn't right…suppose Kevin should see you - oh! Hello Kevin!"**

**"What are you dorks doing in my yard?" Kevin, appearing suddenly around the side of the house saw what Eddy was doing and his face went dark with rage, he didn't much like the Eds anyway and Eddy especially - this was going to require a good explanation and a lot of compensation.**

**"Hi Kevin," Ed's grinning face was sticky where he had slobbered the lemonade, "I am an avenging arthropod - beware my mandibles of doom!"**

**Kevin was unmoved. "You're a dork, dork" He stared angrily at Eddy who was coolly shaking the last drops from Plank. "You're gonna pay me for that lemonade you know"**

**Eddy looked Kevin in the eye, "Plank says you forgot to change your underwear two days running - you're still wearing the ones that say Tuesday on 'em, I hope nobody finds out." His voice rose to a shout as he waved his arm as if trying to attract attention, "Heyyyy, Nazz! Where are you?"**

**Kevin blushed scarlet and muttered something about mixing up the days; "You want to know what else Plank knows about you?" invited Eddy sweetly as spitting and snarling Kevin ran for the safety of home, slamming the door. His face appeared framed in the window "I'll get you for this, dork!"**

**"Yeah? Like I'm sooo worried" taunted Eddy as he strutted from the yard. "Follow me boys." **

**"Uh, Double D?" Ed peered down at his pants and shuffled his feet, "What day comes after April?"**

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**The following hours were a series of revelations as Eddy under the apparent guiding influence of Plank led his friends here and there about the neighbourhood. They won Sarah's grudging respect when they discovered her old and long-lost dolly sandwiched behind Ed's "Space Clam" poster. They won Jimmy's admiration by showing him how to arrange the cushions on his couch for maximum lumbar support. They flattered Nazz shamelessly about her new hairstyle and were invited inside for cookies and milk, power-crazed Eddy was in his element, Ed just stared and chewed while Double D blushed redder and redder and felt his legs slowly turning to jelly under Nazz's cool gaze and bubbling laughter. **

**They stopped an ugly scene developing between Rolf & Victor when Rolf was accusing his goat of eating his uncle's tuxedo and six pounds of candied yams and Plank showed Eddy where to find the missing headlamp from Kevin's bike and the last volume of "Wheel Jack Bazaar" that the Kanker sisters wanted for their dad's birthday. They were invited in there too but declined - fleeing in terror as the voices like honey-coated barbed wire drifted after them "Here's your reward - " accompanied by loud kissing noises! Plank was good at finding money too and in a short time they had gathered two quarters, six nickels and a pocketful of pennies, enough for plenty of Jawbreakers. All the while Johnny watched from a distance with envious eyes fixed on Plank.**

**Ed was enjoying himself immensely but Double D was worried about his friend. Eddy seemed to be growing more and more obsessed with Plank, sitting on the swing with him, crumbling cookies onto the flat wooden face and never, **_**ever**_** letting Plank out of his grasp. He could be heard constantly talking to his new companion and in fact seemed to be more interested in Plank than anything else, he didn't try to scam anyone, he didn't play jokes on his friends, he nearly stopped being obsessed with money- but not quite. In short he ceased to be Eddy and was turning into Johnny Mark 2.**

**Double D fretted all night about whether he should confront Eddy with this and decided it wouldn't be a good idea, most likely Eddy would just say he was jealous and Ed? Well explaining it all to Ed just didn't bear thinking about, he might spend the rest of his life trying to get through to him. But something had to be done because the cul-de-sac minus Eddy just wasn't the same even though life was certainly a lot easier. On the other hand having two Plank-obsessed boys running around the place was not good either. And so after a lot of thought and fidgeting in his yellow pyjamas, Double D drew up a plan and went into action. **

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**Double D and Ed were out very early the next morning, swinging in the playground when right on schedule Johnny arrived clutching Plank. "Hey Double D, Plank came home although he's still not talking to me. D'you think he's mad because I starting building a model of a Swiss cottage out of matchsticks?"**

**"Hey guys!" Johnny was cut off as also on schedule Eddy arrived, he too was clutching Plank and seeing each other they both stopped dead on either side if the sandbox and stared before a violent argument erupted about which was the real Plank. **

**Ed watched, the light of comprehension failing to switch on inside his brain as Johnny and Eddy yelled wrangled over their friend- "You stole him! No it was you! No, no I can prove it's the real Plank! Noooo you're lying, he tells me everything he would never speak to you…! You're just using Plank!" and so on**

**"Uh…Double D? "**

**"Patience Ed, I believe we should be seeing a result quite soon." Double D's eyes followed the sweep hand on his wristwatch, "Any second now."**

**Suddenly in the midst of the yelling Rolf appeared looking angry, "What is all this screaming for? My chickens cannot lay their eggs, they must have silence!" **

**Johnny and Eddy began to scuffle in the sandbox, taking no notice at all until with a snarl Rolf ripped both Planks from their grasp and soundly whacked them down across his knee. The Planks snapped in pieces eliciting horrified screams from Johnny and Eddy. "You Johnny," cried Rolf, pointing "I expect more from an Urban Ranger, if you had not just won your "watering the brassicas" badge I would have to reduce you in rank to a wee roach, feel lucky that I am merciful! Now get home and bathe yourself, you look like the inside an uncombed taco. Ah but first we must make things right…"**

**At a nudge from Double D, Ed slid off the swing, landing in an ungainly heap in the sand; his swing seat had in fact been none other than the real Plank. Rolf picked Plank up and waited as if listening, his face blank, "Now sneaky-Eddy, Plank does not speak to me and I am thinking he did not speak to you either, you were up to one of your tricks, trying to get us to trust your foxy ways. You must return Plank to Johnny or you will never dine at my table again."**

**Muttering under his breath about who would want to eat there anyway and sprinkling sand over his friends Eddy ungraciously thrust Plank into the overjoyed Johnny's grasp and watched as they ran home together. It seemed just for a moment to Double D that they were running in slow motion and somewhere an orchestra swelled to a crescendo but then Eddy was crowing in a loud voice about how he'd fooled everyone and what a great idea it had been. **

**Double D wasn't entirely sure what to make of the situation, he didn't quite believe Eddy was telling the whole truth and yet there again the alternative - of Eddy and Plank actually telepathically communicating was just too alarming to consider. His train of thought was broken by Ed suddenly enveloping both he and Eddy in a bone-crunching hug and giving them a close-up view of his back teeth, it was shocking enough to make them both scream which in turn scared Ed into tripping over his own feet and dropping them in a heap.**

**Eddy's voice was muffled but undefeated as it floated up from the tangled limbs, "Hey guys - how about we organise a yard sale - we can get rid of all that junk we found - the kids will pay big to get stuff like that…"**

**"But Eddy…"**

**"Yeah, yeah. I know, it already belongs to them, it wouldn't be right. But nobody claimed the cash - did they? We still have that and time's a wasting so c'mon boys it's Jawbreaker time!" **

**This time nobody argued.**

**The Ed**


End file.
